The Butterfly Emerges

And so it’s Valentine’s Day, the third one Stacey and I have spent together, and the second one as wives. Yeah, yeah, I know: most states and the federal government don’t recognize our union (although it definitely is legal: we married before I started to transition), but when has love ever respected laws?

More to the point, is it truly government’s business who can and cannot marry? Marriage  is, first and foremost, a LEGAL condition and only secondarily a religious one. Don’t believe me? Then I suggest you try to get married without that piece of paper from the state telling you that you can do it. You can have a wedding without the church, but not without the state.

So if that’s the case, why are so many churches opposed to gay marriage? Are YOU married? If so, will you please explain to me how the fact that I am a woman who is married to another woman threatens, harms, devalues or in any other way, shape, or form makes your marriage any less of one? I respectfully submit that the only thing that can ever threaten your marriage is the state of your love, not mine.

Oh, I forgot: there are a couple of other things that can threaten it. One would be if the government all of a sudden decides that you, as a heterosexual person, shouldn’t have the same rights as gay folks. I know, sounds silly, doesn’t it? But just consider: you wake up tomorrow morning to news headlines that say FEDS SAY STRAIGHT MARRIAGE UNLAWFUL. And let’s further say that the only reason they made this change is because all of a sudden there are more gay people than straight people in the country, and they say that straight marriage threatens the sanctity of gay marriage.

As I said: silly. Stupid, even. Never happen in a freedom-loving country, would it. But it does, my friends. Do you have any idea how many gay men and lesbian women are in love, and are committed to each other as life partners, who would love to marry, but who are forbidden BY LAW from doing so? That’s just it: no one knows, because the same government who should be keeping track of its citizens’ needs and desires (the same way it keeps track of their marketing demographics, their emails, and their telephone calls) doesn’t consider us as important as the rest of you.

And why? Because of all the people who claim–without evidence one way or another–that gay marriage threatens the sanctity of straight marriage. Never mind all of the “family-values” politicians whose careers have been driven onto the rocks when their philandering comes out. Never mind the anti-gay bigots who get caught hiring “gay companions.” (Funny phrase, that. On the one hand, gays don’t have enough political power to grant them full equality, but at the say time they DO have enough power that we don’t want to offend them by saying “gay prostitutes.” Hence, “gay companions.”)

I am a transwoman, happily married to a GG (“genetic girl”–even we have our own slang!). We will have been married two years this April. We have the same joys, fears, hopes and dreams as any other couple, plus a few you don’t have to face simply because of who you are.

So here’s my challenge to you. Think of it as a Valentine’s Day contest: Send me an email or leave me a comment here and explain exactly how our “lesbian marriage” threatens your own marriage. That’s it. Simple enough.

Oh, but here’s the kicker: don’t quote Scripture. See, the thing is, we’re talking about CIVIL marriage, not religious. I’m not calling for the government to force religions to marry gay couples against religious beliefs. I’m just calling for the same rights everyone else has: to be married–in a civil ceremony if necessary, or in a religious one if the church is willing–the same as everyone else.

Your move.